GATO DE CHESHIRE

ive been feeling lonely, this days, i don't know why, i feel something is missing, maybe not, but that's the way it seems to me..
i wonder, if my hate its fine for u.. i don't hate u,,, u know what im talking about..
but, like my mom say.. there's something that i dont like, something isn't fine..
there's something about her, that makes me crazy.. fuck!! maybe, you really love her too... but not exactly like a friend.. im pretty sure of that...
and then, on the other side, on my inside, i feel bad, i feel a little pain..
a little something it's bothering me... maybe it's the fact that we've been a little apart this last days.. maybe it's also the fact thet, you wanted to leave me,, that made me feel so sad, and i made a mistake, i beg, i hate myself for doing that...
i didn't want to do it... that was your desition and i must respect that...
but i fucking love you.. im not obssesed or something, i just love you, too much
i wanna die.. i dont wanna feel like this anymore.. but there's nothing i can do.. i just need to forget all of this.. and keep going,,, i feel so sick right now...
and i wanna tell you all of this.. i want to feel safe.. i want u to tell me that everything's fine.. that all my worries aren't true...
but i cant.. maybe this is the prize i have to pay for loving you this much,
I FEEL SO SICK!!
im jealous, i hate it... i want you te be mine,, but thats stupid.. that's something that is never gonna happen..i just need to SHUT THE FUCK UP AND STOP MESSING THINGS AROUND...
i've already fucked up our relationship... i need to stop..!!
but i fucking can't... i cant stop thinking about you, and her, i know you loved her, and you still do,,
FUUCKK i need to take that out of my fucking mind.,, but i cant cause maybe its true, maybe you do....
I NEED YOU!!! i need you to tell me that everything's fine.. that all my worries are just bullshit...
i really need to talk to you right now.. but maybe you dont wanna hear my shit...
i know, that you are tired of my insecurity,,,
but i just cant swallow it.. i need to take it out somehow..
i dont wanna ruin your happiness,
we've been living so good this days,, but me, on the inside, im so sick
i feel so bad, im drowning on my own jealousy, on my own hate,,
but i cant take it out.. with who?
how?
when?
i dont have time for myself anymore.
i dont have my easy scape,
i dont have anything...
and i need to pretend im fine.. i need to pretend im just happy
nothing bad its happening..

im dieing..